The challenge has been set to think of a rhyme,
a much better use of my tribal wars time
We’re ok with love, and the Chinese New Year,
The issue is the pig and how we squeeze it in here.
A verse for each, is all you will get
And all you deserve, but let’s not regret
What happened in the year of the rat
For now it’s the pig and the end of all that.
My co is a veggie, so won’t appreciate the pork,
I could eat it for the rest of my life, just get me a fork.
Every 12 year cycle, the pig reappears
A symbol of wealth and spiritualism, with its pink floppy ears
Pigs live on the farm, or sometimes in a house made of brick,
Go to the butchers and order your bacon extra thick.
Gamechanging doesn’t get close to describing your delight.
According to the fortune cookie the year is only going to be ‘alright’
Valentine’s, is the waste of time and everybody’s money.
Special plans usually fail, last year I ended up smothered in honey
You try to be Romantic, Kinky, experiment in fancy dress
At this point you’ll do anything to try and impress.
The busiest day of the year for men to get down on one knee
Recipe for disaster, run away now, if you ask me.
Cupid flies around, firing arrows from his magic bow
Fabricating true love, matching soulmates? We may never know
We’re all only here for the pp and the winning flag
Apologies this poem is beginning to drag
There is only one more verse, still yet to follow
You guys should join w40, OLDS defence is still very hollow
Now to wrap this up, in the easiest way we can,
And stop talking about valentines to stay clear of a ban,
Zodiac claims this year will be average, but to that I say no way!
The year can be amazing, if that’s what you want, thank you for reading and have a nice day
Now gather round all ye forum folk (was going to hire a hall but as there are only a few left thought the snug at the Fox and Hounds would suffice but I digress..)
Once upon a time there was a frog (pig I hear you cry but bear with me this is the frog bit) who was very green and as a New Year's resolution decided he would find love. Now he had magical powers he was a talking Frog (otherwise this would be oh so dull and would be just of frog noises and the odd oink later on) and he decided that he would go forth and see what the New Year would bring...
Hopping along and singing a song (oh could that line be entered into the poetry bit as need flags?!) he left his pond and made his way across the fell to a nearby farm. Where a most wondrous sight did meet his eyes!
There beside a barn was a small enclosure where a very pink pig was singing very badly and practising some karate (ok ok this is so stolen from Jim Henson) and our very green frog was smitten. Hopping up he made his first attempt at small talk.
"Come here often" he croaked , as he was a little nervous.
A very pink pig eyed him suspiciously. "I live here" she oinked "what do you want?
"Well said our Frog I was wondering if you would like to IDK come and live with me and make hopping porkers or troughing hoppers. No wait Or Pink frogs or wait Green piglets!
WHHHHOOOOOAHHHHH slow down there Mr um Frog "we just met and I am a very spoilt lady whose farmer gives me all sorts of dainties and comes every day to see me grow. Why would I leave this piggy paradise and go with you?
Just then a van with a picture of a smiling pig (it upsets vegans they get heaps of hate mail) rolled into the yard and a man walked into the farmhouse.
"well said the frog" thinking fast but he really couldn't think of any reason why such a pig as his would leave her farm and come and live with him by his pond. "um um"
"well said the pig if you have nothing else to say I'll bid you goodbye then...but at this moment our heroic frog saw the man with the van (again for a flag Marcus?) come out of the farmhouse and walk towards the pen with the farmer.
"So Mr Henson she'll be at slaughter weight I take it"
"Aye" said our farmer have been feeding her nothing but the best "she'll be ready"
OMG thought the frog who knew his new found love was for the chop.....(ok ok I know but couldn't resist)
OMG thought the pig whose view of living with a frog by a pond and suddenly seemed not such a bad idea after all.
"WAIT" cried the frog you can't do this.
"Oh said Mr Henson the farmer, Jim to his friends, "and why should I be taking financial advice about how to run this farm from a frog may I ask?"
"well", said the frog who really had nothing else to say until a thought struck him "how much will will you get for her!"
£5 a kilo was the reply. The pig tried her very best to look thin. "I need the money to feed my family and keep this farm running"
"But said the frog when the money is gone you be in the same position and also be pigless! I have a cunning plan! What if you took the pig and I to the bright lights of the city as we are a talking frog and pig"
"and I sing" cried the pig.
"Then people would pay good money to see this and you could retire, after doing a few Christmas specials, and sell the franchise to Disney and retire"
"well" said Jim Henson the farmer that isn't actually a bad idea though does the pig really have to sing as she is terrible...."
"all part of the master plan!" said the frog and so folks a legend was born! Not many know this is really how it all started but you know being New Year and all thought would share with you all!
One day Porky the pig was strolling down the lane. He smelled something more amazing that his snout had ever sniffed... He followed the sweet aroma to the nearby slaughter house. There he set eyes on Patty the pig and it was love at first sight. Unfortunately, Patty was about to become bacon. Thankfully, the butcher had a heart attack when Porky screamed and they all lived happily ever after